How Do You Get Over Being Afraid to Be Heartbroken Again

Stop Being Afraid Of Being Heartbroken

Brooke Cagle

I spent many of teenage years scouring online articles and How Tos for managing grief afterwards a breakup. I was especially consumed by anything with a zippy, empowering title. I couldn't feign interest in articles that even slightly suggested that breakups were supposed to be lamentable. My priority was to cakewalk by the mourning period and pace onto a bold platform as a cocky-actualized young woman. I was all the same young, so the breakups, while superficial, largely reflected the nature of our relationships, too.

Entering into my kickoff serious adult relationship was uncharted territory. Despite thinking of myself as a seasoned dater, I was completely out of my element. Excited. A picayune intimidated. Most of all, I was afraid. I didn't know what to expect from a relationship that was so mature and now expected the same from me. Conversations nigh previous relationships always seemed like a dance with awkwardness because as embarrassing as they were, the question that followed always seemed worse.

"What is your view on relationships? What practise you want out of your human relationship?"

Y'all think of all the things you might say in response to that. You don't want your reply to seem shallow and generic, but that's exactly how information technology ends upward sounding. Because for me, I'd never had to sit down downwardly with myself, much less with another person to respond them. That's the exact moment when I realized that all the late nighttime scrambling for finger-snapping articles that understated feelings to a most sociopathic level had done me a great disservice. They were Band-Aid fixes that never required me to feel, but also made it and so that I never grew. I was never forced to look within myself to understand why I was actively seeking people who were wrong for me. I never had to respond for the superficial nature of our relationships.

I never had to confront the fact that these relationships were part of a larger design issue that simply I had the power to fix.

So when this mature, developed relationship concluded, I was forced to answer for it all. I couldn't escape the feeling of my heartbreak. The grief bubbled within me and poured out from my optics at the slightest provocation—like hearing my partner's proper noun, a sad song, even seeing our neighbour's obnoxiously adorable dog. The grief was that much more profound considering it was the first fourth dimension I really let myself pay any attention to it. I am more grateful every day for that opportunity. Because for all my tears and for all the acrimony and the whirlwind of self-loathing that followed, I learned something.

To end trying to avoid the heartbreak.

Because it had something important to remind me.

Foremost, it reminded me that I had reason to be sad. My human relationship was ending. Despite our troubles, this person was my first love. Nosotros had a slew of inside jokes. We had our own language. We knew each other intimately. We loved each other both in spite and because of that knowledge. The fact that I was reeling from the loss was a reminder of the dazzler that gave me so much to grieve.

It was that same grief that reminded me why the relationship needed to finish. It was not plenty that I loved my partner deeply, or that they loved me back. We were fundamentally different people who wanted different things. We could not reconcile those differences without changing the most important parts of ourselves. I couldn't bear to compromise my beliefs and my partner would grow to resent me if they compromised theirs. Trying to avoid our inevitable breakdown simply lead to more tension and fighting between us. More injure than being apart. The heartbreak—truly feeling heartbroken, reminded me of how much more than painful staying together as bitter rivals, rather than lovers, would've been.

In that spirit, heartbreak was a powerful reminder of where things went wrong in our relationship. This isn't where y'all should lament aimlessly or circle with pointing fingers. Sometimes things get wrong because y'all never had a gamble to begin with. Because you were different people who wanted different things, who only managed to stay afloat before circumstance required you to reveal your differences.

Sometimes things go incorrect from the very commencement, considering y'all, a lot similar me, didn't have a firm grasp of what you lot wanted your relationship to expect like. You weren't sure of what you brought to the relationship. You weren't sure of what you wanted them to bring to bring to the human relationship. You might've hoped that y'all'd both eventually observe a heart ground to abound from, but reality left both you and your partner scrambling instead.

Maybe it was that compounded by the fact that I was lagging unresolved human relationship luggage backside me throughout our entire courting. Unpacking at will. Inciting drama from old laundry. I was not faultless.

The heartbreak that I avoided for years thinking it'd blind me gave me new optics. New perspective. An appreciation for the mistakes I was making at present that I knew I was making them.

The betoken isn't to romanticize the hurt of your heartbreak or prolong it. It's to accept that it has an of import job to do. That if you abandon your fear of being lost to your grief, you lot open yourself upward to the potential for truthful healing and growth.

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Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/pardis-aliakbarkhani/2017/02/stop-being-afraid-of-being-heartbroken/

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